Summer book recommendation

“It is easier to judge a man by his questions rather than his answers” - Pierre-Marc-Gaston

I hope you are having a great summer! This is my summer book recommendation..... drum roll please.

Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg is a banger! It tackles a the important question "why do talks sometimes derail?". Duhigg thinks it is because we miss the level of the conversation. Using examples as diverse as CIA recruitment, and unnecessary surgeries to juries, NASA astronaut selection, sitcom writers, and Netflix’s racial-slur crisis it really related communication in so many situations.

Who wrote it?

Duhigg is no slouch. He is a Pulitzer-winning former New York Times reporter who writes easy reading on serious topics. Another favorite, The Power of Habit (famous for the cue-routine-reward) sold millions.

What's it about?

Duhigg says conversations run on three tracks:

1. practical (what’s the problem)

2. emotional (how do we feel)

3. social/identity (who are we in this moment)

Most of us default to the practical. That’s why meetings sometimes fail before they begin: we rush to fix when the room needs recognition, or we debate data when the tension is really about our identity. The remedy is simple but not easy - understand people, and allow them to understand you. This process requires vulnerability, not everyone's favourite feeling.

The book’s core tool is “looping for understanding”: ask a clarifying question, play back what you heard in your own words, and check if that’s right. It shows a wish to understand it in their terms. Also important is to give clear signals you’re listening, summarise often, and take cues from what people say.

Other than content, it is emotional mirroring. Try and understand the which emotional track someone it on; first recognise then mirror it.

What are the interesting tips and facts

1. People are more willing to answer personal questions than we think

2. Long-term agreements require respect, not pressured assent. Sometimes people can’t state their real wishes; don’t assume—ask.

3. Facts travel poorly on emotive terrain; connect first.

4. Common ground helps connections (e.g. teams, choirs)

5. When people are truly aligned their physiology syncs—pupils dilate, pulses match

6. Environments matter too: grand rituals and stiff hierarchies quieten the junior voices you most need.

7. Digital media is poor at connection and conflict-resolution; learn how to inject respect into digital spaces and master the art of de-escalation.

8. Prep for important interactions.

9. When negotiating listen. A better understanding because widens the scope of the discussion to truly deliver and earn value.

10. Know when facts will persuade. Also know when facts are lost in the emotional noise. Sometimes saying “If it were my dad, I wouldn’t choose this intervention.” That’s practical, emotional and identity, aligned.

Why should you read it?

Understanding how to connect, is a basic part of building relationships and trust. This book will also help you have tough conversations, and enhance not damage bonds. Improving your communications skills will help you multiply everything else you do.

I hope you enjoy it!